


There's A Monster...

by Shay_Nioum



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, no happy ending, venting fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 11:05:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18445277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Nioum/pseuds/Shay_Nioum
Summary: There's a monster inside of him.





	There's A Monster...

 

 

Summary: There was a monster inside him. 

There was a monster inside him.

It was a monster that sought to destroy everything that he touched. It sought to rake its claws down his blue wallpaper covered walls, to rip and tear them to shreds. It wanting to shatter the objects on his desk, to pick up each intricate little object studying them with an almost morbid curiosity and sickening glee before watching them shatter so horrifically against his shredded bedroom wall. It was a monster that wanted him to slam his fists into the mirror in front of his bed, the mirror that had stood on his dresser for several years, now covered with several photos and articles of clothing. It wanted the shards to dig into his flesh, to cut, to mar, to make him bleed, to make him hurt. It wanted him to sweep his books onto the floor, to crumble up his papers, his pictures, his writings.

It wanted him to burn them all, to leave nothing but ashes behind and the choking sensation of grief behind.

It was a monster that only arose out of the ashes of tears, tears that wouldn’t bring about growth like the aftermath of a volcano would. It wasn’t like the tears that would make him feel impossibly lighter, or make him feel better in any way like it would his friends. It wasn’t even the kind of tears that would grant him a quick and dreamless slumber robbing him of the guilt he should feel, like it would his enemies.

It was the kind of tears that would birth rage, that would create the spark that would steadily grow into a fire in the seat of his stomach. Until it rose and rose, the smoke choking his throat and making his eyes sting. It was the tears that made his teeth grind together and his fingernails dig into his palms, until a stinging sensation would alert him that he was finally bleeding. Just as the monster wanted him to.

It was a sadness that would give way to nothing but rage.

A rage that would take and take, a rage...that would hurt.

A rage that would hurt those who had hurt him.

He didn’t want it though, he didn’t want this sadness, this furious angry that would rise up like a bottled volcano ready to erupt at any possible moment. He did not want this, he had never wanted this. He did not want the stinging burning sensations of his eyes to lead way for the wrath that would inflame and take over his heart. He didn’t want to feel this way about those who had hurt him, he wanted to let it go, to let it fizzle and fade away like the dying fizz of a flat soda. It just wasn’t fair, he didn’t want this, he didn’t want them to make him feel like this.

He didn’t want to feel.

But…

He had a monster inside him, he had a monster that would not be shoved aside, would not be neglected, and most certainly would not be taken for granted.

He had a monster that would not be ignored like he so often was.

He had a monster who would take attention if it was not given to him, who would scream and roar if he was not listened to, and he had a monster who was not scared to take it all away if the wrong thing was said. It was a primal beastal thing that terrified him down to his core, even if the monster could care less about his petty concerns about fitting in with the others. There was no need to fit in, given that he never had before, given that the others had never cared for  _him_ before. The monster did not need to fit in, it had no want or reason for it, they would not care. There was only anger, an anger that filled his belly so rapidly that often times he felt as if he would burst like a balloon that was well past its limit. But even so, they wouldn’t care. Not unless the monster made them care.

So...why should he?

The monster would roar and snarl at their terrified faces, at the look of shock that would envelop over them all, it would not care. They did not care. They did not care for him. They did not care for the monster. They did not care for his tears. They did not care for his anger. They did not care for his emotions.

So why should he?

He didn’t care.

There was a monster in-

The door slammed behind him with a swift enough moment to rattle the pictures that he had on his walls, the lock on the door slid smoothly into place the stifling air choked him like a noose that was steadily getting tighter and tighter. He could still hear them downstairs, they couldn’t feel it..how could they? He could hear their jovial laughter, the laughter of people who couldn’t feel the storm growing and growing inside of him. The flood threatening to overtake him, to drown him, to kill him, and to end him. They just couldn’t understand...why would they?

After all…

His knees thumped against the floor as his body finally came crashing down, everything weighed on him. Like the sky had suddenly decided to place its full weight on his shoulders. His muscles screamed, as his eyes and throat burned. The tears that drenched his face felt hot against his face, as his finger clenched and unclenched.

“I’m a monster,” Logan wept to himself, one hand traveling up to his hair, tugging and tugging again at the loose strands, as his other hand clutched at the balled up notecard in his hands. It was little more than the size of ping pong ball with how he had crumbled it so much, but that hardly mattered to him. “I’m a monster.” He croaked out, his burdened throat begging for him to stop, but he couldn’t.

For he deserved this.

Monsters didn’t deserve mercy.


End file.
